(ON TOPIC) The “Kelly Langstaff Whiny Poem”

This is Kelly.

Sometimes things make you mad. Maybe you got blamed for doing something at work that you didn’t do, or maybe your real or imaginary boyfriend didn’t notice how you’d folded the dinner napkins into a Whistling Swan instead of the usual Black Swan. The nerve.

But there’s a cure: Type how you’re feeling into a Word document, arbitrarily space the lines, and then italicize them all.

It’s called a Whiny Poem. And my friend Kelly Langstaff invented it. Try one for yourself! I’ll share one of my old ones as an example:

Dear roommate:                                                                                                         

We’ve slept bed by bed for four humdrum months.                                                And while I’ve never met your mom,                                                                                I know I like her more than you.                                                                           Because when you Skype her, she waves to me.                                                        But you never do.


And stop asking if you can have my milk.                                                          Because no milk, my dear friend,                                                                                 Will ever be your milk.

 Happy Whining!



2 responses to “(ON TOPIC) The “Kelly Langstaff Whiny Poem”

  1. Kelly Langstaff

    every morning
    the sun hits me in the face
    before i am ready

    i guess i’ll just watch the biggest loser

    oh wait
    theres a glare

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