Tag Archives: Jude Law

(THE LONDON CHRONICLES) #4: Jude Law, Big Foot, and Sra. Fish Lips

Dear Reader(s),

Once upon a time, I waited in line with my comrade Juan Cocuy (pronounced Kuh-coo-ee) to get tickets to Jude Law’s last performance in some play you’ve never heard of:

Homeless boy. Or Juan?

TIME

EMOTIONS

FOOD REMAINING

3:10 AM Just woke up. Is this real life?
  • 1 PB&J
  • 1 Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain Blackberry & Apple bar
  • 1 Banana
  • 1 water
3:41 AM Legitimate excitement. We’re the first people in line!
  • 1 PB&J
  • 1 Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain Blackberry & Apple bar
  • 1 water
4:41 AM It’s cold out. First person has arrived, an aspiring actor from Boston. We shall name him “Big Foot.” Juan says: “I don’t like people.”
  • 1 PB&J
  • 1 Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain Blackberry & Apple bar
5:41 AM It’s still cold. Second person has arrived, a posh Spanish woman. We shall name her “Sra. Fish Lips.”
  • 1 PB&J
  • 1 Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain Blackberry & Apple bar
6:41 AM We’re standing up. The blood is flowin’. Things are good. (Wait. Where the heck is Sra. Fish Lips?)
  • 1 Kellogg’s Nutri-Grain Blackberry & Apple bar
7:41 AM Sleep.
  • Nothing
8:41 AM Talking to Big Foot. (No seriously. Where is Sra. Fish Lips?)
  • Nothing
9:41 AM Quiet reading time. Drinking coffee.
  • Nothing
10:41 AM Tickets in hand. Sra. Fish Lips found. Sleep please.
  • Nothing

Your mind takes you to funny places when you’re stationary for an extended period (Aaron Ralston/James Franco: I feel ya.), so I also recorded some of the questions that popped into my head throughout our wait. I’ll leave you with a random selection of the most poignant:

  • Will we be obligated to talk to the first people behind us? Who will they be? Boys? Girls? Jude Law fanatics? Antique teacup collectors?
  • At what time should I pull out my iPhone to maximize its battery life?
  • Will I get mugged?
  • What the fuck is this play about?
  • Why is the man cleaning inside shirtless?
  • Where did money come from?
  • WHERE THE FUCK IS SRA. FISH LIPS?
  • Why is Taylor swift so awesome?
  • No but seriously…what is this play about?

Until next time,

Jonathan

P.S. Watch Beyoncé’s new video. She’s cooler than you.

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(THE LONDON CHRONICLES) #3: Spider-Man, McDonald’s, and Jude Law’s Abs

Dear reader(s),

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I’d planned to update this nightly or weekly with what I’ve been up to, but then Beyoncé released her new music video and I got busy trying to memorize it.

Anyways I figure a list will serve me well here as I attempt to highlight the highlights of the last couple weeks. (Fact: Henry VIII invented lists because he couldn’t keep track of all his wives.) I’ll go in chronological order so it’ll be like YOU’VE BEEN WITH ME ALL ALONG! I’ve been taking pictures while here, so those will surely help, too.

1. I graduate in December so I seriously began my job hunt. I applied to an internship at Pixar, and then I stopped my serious job hunt because Pixar is the only place I want to work. (Dear future employers other than Pixar: Just kidding. I love you.)#intern4lyfe

2. I saw Christopher Marlowe’s “Dr. Faustus” at the Globe Theater, a modern reconstruction of Shakespeare’s original 1599 theater. I was one of the “groundlings” in front of the stage. It rained right when Faustus delivered a line about rain. #magical.

3. I saw a play written by an 18-year-old Christopher Hampton called “When Did You Last See My Mother?” It starred Harry Melling, better known as Dudley Dursley from the “Harry Potter” flicks. Instead of being fat and visually repulsing, he was skinny and visually appealing. It rocked.

4. I took a BBC camera course and it involved making a short film in which I wore my Spider-Man suit. It was both awesome and necessary. (Picture to come.)

5. I saw a play about 9/11 called “Decade” and got interrogated by an actor playing a TSA official before walking in. I then took my seat, thoroughly excited for an unorthodox theater performance, but then the play happened and the British actors’ American accents sucked and things got bad.

6. I toured the 2012 Olympic stadium. It’s literally in the most disgusting town I’ve ever been in. (Not true. I’ve been to China.)

7. I endured (Dramatic word ah!) a 4-day BBC course about directing TV in a live studio setting. I was a literal and metaphorical ball of anxiety throughout, but I ended up directing 13 minutes of a (kind of) live show called “The One Show.”

8. I celebrated the end of the course that Friday night and ended up at the apartment of approximately ten incredibly attractive British people. The night ended at 7 AM with an order of 6 chicken nuggets from McDonald’s. It was disgustingly perfect. I wish I had a picture of this, but for now…

Happiness.

9. I visited my friend Jessica in her hometown, a beautiful suburb called Surrey. There was space and light and forests and horses. Her dad cooked meat and I ate it. Then we watched a brilliant movie about Brooklyn called “Blue In The Face” and it made me miss New York.

(photo by) Jessica Sarah Rinland

10. I saw “War Horse,” a popular show in London and New York that’s soon to be a movie directed by Steven Spielberg. The story was totally Disney (read: predictable) but the horse puppets almost had me in tears.

11. I saw a play called “The Playboy of the Western World” that really should’ve been called “The Worst Play in the Whole F-ing World.” Kidding. That honor goes to 2009’s “Othello” at the NYU Skirball Center.

I was only smiling because I hadn't seen the play yet.

12. I waited in line from 4 AM to 10:30 AM to see Jude Law in his last performance of Eugene O’ Neil’s “Anna Christie.” Expect a blog post about the experience, but for now, know this: I could’ve enjoyed 1 chicken nugget on each of his 6 applause-worthy abdomen muscles. And oh yeah. The play. It was incredible. Ruth Wilson gave one of the best stage performances I’ve ever seen.

Couldn't find an ab pic. Use your imagination.

13. I finished a draft of the first episode of the first TV show I’ve ever developed. I’ve been a literal and metaphorical ball of anxiety. Writing is hard.

14. I went to Cambridge with my friend Juan. We punted. I plan to go to graduate school there because it’s beautiful and makes me feel good.

K gotta go. I’m watching Beyoncé’s “Countdown” video for the 327th time. (Not) kidding.

 

Love you. Talk soon.

-Jonathan

(THE LONDON CHRONICLES) #.5: Goodbye New York, Hello London

The stress of living in a city does really wacky things to your mental health. It’s even scientifically proven! German researchers found that volunteers living in urban areas had more active amygdalas—the region of the brain that processes anxiety—when receiving negative comments while solving math problems. So while finishing my London preparations by finding a safe spot in my suitcase for my Spider-Man suit, I’ve been mentally preparing for life in another city.

My perception of London predictably comes from books and movies. A quick mental survey of books I’ve read that unravel in London brings to mind the following: Canterbury Tales, Oliver Twist, The War of the Worlds, and novels featuring Sherlock Holmes and Jeeves. If I lived in an unrealistically small bubble and therefore painted a picture of London based solely upon these stories, these are the phrases I might use to describe the lovely city: improper, a dirty hellhole, apocalyptic, cocaine-laden, and class-conscious, respectively.

In a probable attempt to brighten the picture, the movie survey that followed in my brain place seemed to cheerily highlight the eye-pleasing houses in which many of my favorite British characters have lived. Especially those populating romantic comedies. In no specific order, I really wouldn’t mind living in any of the following:

1. Colin Firth’s awesome townhouse in “The King’s Speech.” I know he didn’t live here, but it houses the meeting room where him and Geoffrey Rush spent a lot of time curing his endearing stammer. And it had really awesome walls.

2. Will Lightman’s (Hugh Grant) high-tech apartment in “About A Boy.”

3. Any of the houses in “Love Actually.”

4. The Roseville Cottage where Cameron Diaz stays in “The Holiday.”

5. Daniel Cleaver’s (Hugh Grant) flat in “Bridget Jones’s Diary.”

6. Really any other apartment belonging to a Hugh Grant character because he typically plays the male lead in romantic comedies and male leads in romantic comedies usually come with exorbitantly priced bachelor pads.

In fear of seeming too naïve, I feel I should mention that my knowledge of London isn’t totally informed by rom coms. I swear I know a bit of London’s history. It started with the Romans, and then there were a couple fights and plagues and fires, right? Settle down, dear reader(s), I know more than that. In any case, I shall be reading the “History” section of my Lonely Planet: London book on the plane tonight.

I really hope to keep blogging once I get settled because I know I’ll need an outlet for all the funny new words I’ll be acquiring. And for all the smart history stuff, too. I’m participating in a TV program with the BBC, but will also be attempting to write a TV show and do the theater/museum thing on the side. A visit to my friend who lives in Surrey is also planned, where Number 4 on the above list is located. I can’t wait to pull a Cameron Diaz and wait by the window with my pre-made hot chocolate until a drunk Jude Law comes stumbling to my door asking to see his sister. Based on my thorough research of British slang, I’ve already prepared my response: “Bloody hell, you’re completely and utterly arseholed! I say you had yourself a bender, all right. Get inside before I bite your arm off, grab a blanket, and Bob’s your uncle!”**

He’s going to hate me.

**American translation: “You’re drunk. Now get inside and let’s boogie.”